Monday, August 4, 2008

maybe there is some pie

Already full from lunch, a worn and beaten Barack Obama gave in to the fatty expectations of the patrons of a Missouri diner. "Well, I've had lunch today but I'm thinking maybe there is some pie", he conceded. Like a first time visitor to an italian home for dinner, he does not know how to politely say no to the persistent "Eat! You're too skinny! Eat something!" What he needs to learn, is how to say "No thanks, I'm full. You fat, petty, fucking idiots."

It's hard to blame him for yielding to the peer pressure though (he had the fried chicken, not pie). The people are genuinely confused by Obama's physical appearance, and as a potential future president, he needs to clarify things for them. For instance, the sincerely puzzled Glen Johnson, informed us in a recent Associated Press article that "Sometimes it's hard to tell if Barack Obama is running for president of the United States or Mr. Universe." It's understandable how Mr.Johnson and other functionally retarded individuals are so easily perplexed. You see, Barack Obama goes to the gym, and when Glen Johnson sees someone in a gym, he assumes he's training to compete for Mr.Universe. Likewise, he's unsure of whether or not John McCain is a senator or a bus driver. You see, John McCain is often seen on a bus, surely he drives it for a living?

McCain campaign manager Rick Davis is more than confused, he's indignant. "Only celebrities like Barack Obama go to the gym three times a day" he insightfully sneered. He's right, and Obama should thank him for the advice and embrace his strategy. First you go to the gym, then you win Mr.Universe, then you become a celebrity, and then and only then do you run for an executive office.

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