Thursday, July 10, 2008

the Contenders

Ladies and Gentlemen,
The time is nigh at the Pugilist for us to postulate on that Great Question that plagues the political and social landscape: Who would win in a fight between the current presidential hopefuls? 
We all want the answer before we cast our precious ballots so let us debate!
Please provide reasonable evidence for your conclusions.

We will keep Hillary in the discussion so feel free to bring any other candidate into the fray (I'm thinking of some interesting under card battles---Dennis Kucinich vs Mike Gravel? A shovel full of gravel vs. Mike Gravel?)


baracknroll08 said...

Clearly Obama would win if faced with either. Hillary fights like a girl and McCain, although old and ornery, can't lift his arms above his head. He'd fight like one of those rock 'em sock 'em robots.
I picture Obama, post-contest, having a celebratory cigarette while standing over both their bodies.

The Washington Pugilist said...

Obama's young and his court skills lead me to believe he is athletic but he was/is/may be a smoker.
Hillary, we can safely assume, would fight to the bitter and bloody end--never ceasing her assault of fingernail scratches and ear-piercing laughscreams.

Would Obama be too much of a gentleman to get vicious or could he pull a couple eye gouges of his own?

McCain's been "in the shit" but he is also old as shit so I don't think he has it in him.

baracknroll08 said...

I think Hillary would have some back up, though. Midfight, we hear James Brown's "Sex Machine" in the distance and Bill appears in a feather bowa, cigar in mouth, surrounded by hot babes, then proceeds to beat the shit out of Obama.

The Washington Pugilist said...

McCain has killed people and withstood torture, that gives him an edge. Hillary hasn't killed anyone (except maybe Vincent Foster), but you know she would. I'm not sure Obama could kill someone, and you could not stop Hillary without killing her. She's T2. They would have to knock her into a vat of molten steel to defeat her. The fight would need to be held in a smelting plant to even stand a chance of beating her.