Favorite movie: Thelma and Louise
Favorite author: John Grisham
Huge KISS fan
Closet full of denim jackets she rarely wears but won't throw out
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Yakuza Bruisers
With two hurricanes down and an imperiled city brazenly indignant after being stood up for a second date with annihilation (classic bad boy syndrome)... here come three more motherfucking hurricanes.
Which raises the question: which candidate will stand up to the retributive Japanese Yakuza responsible for all of these deadly storms?
Idaho weatherman Scott Stevens earned himself national media play and plenty of ridicule when he theorized that Japan’s crime syndicate used a Cold War-era Russian storm machine to create Hurricane Katrina. Three years later, however, with his Weather Wars site still tickling the conspiratorial fancies of a likeminded readership, Hurricane Gustav has revitalized broader discussion of Stevens’ previously laughed-off theories.
Now, this story is precisely the type of sub-crackpotdom that we here at the Pugilist thrive on, and one we feel has the chance to be the October surprise everyone's been waiting for—in September.
So the question again presents itself: would it be McCain or Obama best putting the handle on some Japanese ninja shit?
(Take note, Jim Lehrer, this is optimus prime material for your 9/25 debate sheet)
Let’s break it down. For one, McCain’s already ended up on the bad side of some Asian wildboyz, so he’d be working with a full-on revenge mentality in addition to his rapidly deteriorating cognizance- an unpredictable combo that would spell game over for all but the fiercest of warriors. Obama, on the other hand, was raised by Muslim shadowfighters in a desert bunker dojo according to several reputable e-mail forwards- an obvious advantage- but would just as likely fall in league with the ninjas given his already well-documented hatred of America.
Tell me where I'm wrong.
Which raises the question: which candidate will stand up to the retributive Japanese Yakuza responsible for all of these deadly storms?
Idaho weatherman Scott Stevens earned himself national media play and plenty of ridicule when he theorized that Japan’s crime syndicate used a Cold War-era Russian storm machine to create Hurricane Katrina. Three years later, however, with his Weather Wars site still tickling the conspiratorial fancies of a likeminded readership, Hurricane Gustav has revitalized broader discussion of Stevens’ previously laughed-off theories.
Now, this story is precisely the type of sub-crackpotdom that we here at the Pugilist thrive on, and one we feel has the chance to be the October surprise everyone's been waiting for—in September.
So the question again presents itself: would it be McCain or Obama best putting the handle on some Japanese ninja shit?
(Take note, Jim Lehrer, this is optimus prime material for your 9/25 debate sheet)
Let’s break it down. For one, McCain’s already ended up on the bad side of some Asian wildboyz, so he’d be working with a full-on revenge mentality in addition to his rapidly deteriorating cognizance- an unpredictable combo that would spell game over for all but the fiercest of warriors. Obama, on the other hand, was raised by Muslim shadowfighters in a desert bunker dojo according to several reputable e-mail forwards- an obvious advantage- but would just as likely fall in league with the ninjas given his already well-documented hatred of America.
Tell me where I'm wrong.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
You're going to have to go a little lower than that
Boreilly, et al, are up in arms-UP IN ARMS!- at the now disproven rumors that Guv'ner Palin's daughter is the true mother of the Governess' baby. He goes so far as to call it the worst smear ever and, with characteristic taste and subtlety, compares it to Nazis and the Klan. Obviously, Bill's point is that nothing is more insulting than accusing someone of having a Down's syndrome baby... I mean, how embarrassing would that be?!? It's the ultimate smear.
I'm afraid Dr.O'Reilly* should revisit some campaigns of yore if he wants to see some real smears, because pregnant tennagers just can't compete with the ungodly ugliness of the election of 1828.
John Quincy Adam's men took to smearing Andrew Jackson's wife, Rachel Jackson, as a polygamist for unwittingly failing to fully process her divorce from her abusive ex-husband before marrying Jackson. Allegations were made in an anonymous pamphlet entitled "View of General Jackson's Domestic Relations, in Refernce to his Fitness for the Presidency" as well as in the Cincinnati Gazette and the Daily National Journal, which argued:
"[Jackson] spent the prime of his life gambling, in cock fighting and horse racing", and "tore from a husband the wife of his bosom."
The same journal asked readers to imagine what would happen if John Quincy Adams "were to take a man's wife from him pistol in hand."
Rachel Jackson was called "American Jezebel" and the question was begged "Ought a convicted adulteress and her paramour husband be placed in the highest office of this free and Christian Land?"
Distraught from the constant attacks and the unbearable thought of 4 more years of them, she died of a heart attack. Check Bristol's pulse. Still good? Ok, Rachel Jackson wins for now then. But keep me updated.
*Bill was awarded a honorary doctorate from the University of Awesome for his work in journalism. Too humble to recognize his doctoral level awesomeness, he has yet to claim the award (aka it's on my desk waiting to be picked up).
I'm afraid Dr.O'Reilly* should revisit some campaigns of yore if he wants to see some real smears, because pregnant tennagers just can't compete with the ungodly ugliness of the election of 1828.
John Quincy Adam's men took to smearing Andrew Jackson's wife, Rachel Jackson, as a polygamist for unwittingly failing to fully process her divorce from her abusive ex-husband before marrying Jackson. Allegations were made in an anonymous pamphlet entitled "View of General Jackson's Domestic Relations, in Refernce to his Fitness for the Presidency" as well as in the Cincinnati Gazette and the Daily National Journal, which argued:
"[Jackson] spent the prime of his life gambling, in cock fighting and horse racing", and "tore from a husband the wife of his bosom."
The same journal asked readers to imagine what would happen if John Quincy Adams "were to take a man's wife from him pistol in hand."
Rachel Jackson was called "American Jezebel" and the question was begged "Ought a convicted adulteress and her paramour husband be placed in the highest office of this free and Christian Land?"
Distraught from the constant attacks and the unbearable thought of 4 more years of them, she died of a heart attack. Check Bristol's pulse. Still good? Ok, Rachel Jackson wins for now then. But keep me updated.
*Bill was awarded a honorary doctorate from the University of Awesome for his work in journalism. Too humble to recognize his doctoral level awesomeness, he has yet to claim the award (aka it's on my desk waiting to be picked up).
History Is Calling, President Carter, Will You Pick Up The Phone?
At the suggestion of commenter angelia sparrow, I present the further works of former President James Buchanan:
Cheating Chance: Vice Detective, Brandon Carr, despite his tattoos and bad-boy cool, lives in the closet with no intention of ever coming out. Then he meets Nevada Gaming Agent, Nick O'Malley, at a Goth convention and his perfectly constructed world starts to crack. Nick's passions for him, a restored hearse and rope bondage might drown Brandon's will. With the odds stacked against them they try to move from simply sex to something more. Sparks fly as the pair probes a world of cheating, murder, drugs and money laundering. The investigation repeatedly derails their relationship, finally forcing Brandon to choose between staying in the closet and saving Nick's life.
My hope is the positive feedback about former President Buchanan's work will inspire Jimmy Carter to release his secret homoerotic novellas. Thanks to bbmrebel for the suggestion as well, but at the risk of slowing morphing into a gay book club, we'll make this the last post about Mr.Buchanan's possible authorship (for now).
Cheating Chance: Vice Detective, Brandon Carr, despite his tattoos and bad-boy cool, lives in the closet with no intention of ever coming out. Then he meets Nevada Gaming Agent, Nick O'Malley, at a Goth convention and his perfectly constructed world starts to crack. Nick's passions for him, a restored hearse and rope bondage might drown Brandon's will. With the odds stacked against them they try to move from simply sex to something more. Sparks fly as the pair probes a world of cheating, murder, drugs and money laundering. The investigation repeatedly derails their relationship, finally forcing Brandon to choose between staying in the closet and saving Nick's life.
My hope is the positive feedback about former President Buchanan's work will inspire Jimmy Carter to release his secret homoerotic novellas. Thanks to bbmrebel for the suggestion as well, but at the risk of slowing morphing into a gay book club, we'll make this the last post about Mr.Buchanan's possible authorship (for now).
Monday, September 1, 2008
Russia's Putin saves TV crew from Siberian tiger
That was the headline from a Yahoo! News article, and this was what I pictured immediately:
Unfortunately, it seems he used a tranquilizer gun... but still... that's incredibly badass. If there is ever a Washington Pugilist Worldwide Edition, Putin will definitely be a contender.
Unfortunately, it seems he used a tranquilizer gun... but still... that's incredibly badass. If there is ever a Washington Pugilist Worldwide Edition, Putin will definitely be a contender.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Umm... President Buchanan... about that book you're writing...
The 15th President James Buchanan was often accused in his day of being a closeted homosexual. The argument was famously put forth by James Loewen in "Lies Across America: What Our Historic Sites Get Wrong", and continues to have its proponents and critics.
It is unknown whether gay romance novelist James Buchanan is aware of this irony. It is also unknown whether or not the works of gay romance novelist James Buchanan are actually posthumous publications of the former president himself. Let's assume, for the moment, that they are. And so I present you with a list of the homoerotic works of former President James Buchanan:
Twice the Cowboy, Twice the Ride: Manuel Santos Fuentes was not the type of cowboy Jess Graff was used to. From the moment they met during the El Paso International Rodeo, Jess wanted the Charro. When Manuel is injured during El Paso de la Muerte, Jess seizes the opportunity to get his vaquero into bed. But cross-cultural misunderstandings and family feuds threaten to destroy their relationship before it really starts. Can two men from wildly different backgrounds overcome hatred and jealousy and learn to trust in each other?
The Good Thief: What if the wrong guy, turns out to be the right guy for you? Caesar Serrano thought he screwed up when he landed in the bed of LAPD Officer Nathan Reilly. But when Caesar breaks into the wrong house and stumbles upon a heinous crime, implicating a high ranking LAPD officer, Nate is the only person he knows to turn to. The resulting investigation throws the Blue Brigade into panic. Now he's running for his life and Nate is his only hope for survival. Can two men, on opposite sides of the law, come together to bring a monster to justice?
My Brother, Coyote: Seth and True are cousins, born in the same house on the Navajo reservation. That's about all they have in common, though, what with Seth going the way of a bad seed, and True living up to his name and going to college while studying with the tribe to become a medicine man. They have one other thing in common, though. They love each other, to the point where secrets in both this world and the spirit world threaten to destroy them because of it. When they're trapped by a vicious pothunter they believe is raiding a sacred burial ground, they learn that some secrets can kill. Can these brother-cousins stay alive...and stay together?
Oh President Buchanan, we hardly knew ye.
The Good Thief: What if the wrong guy, turns out to be the right guy for you? Caesar Serrano thought he screwed up when he landed in the bed of LAPD Officer Nathan Reilly. But when Caesar breaks into the wrong house and stumbles upon a heinous crime, implicating a high ranking LAPD officer, Nate is the only person he knows to turn to. The resulting investigation throws the Blue Brigade into panic. Now he's running for his life and Nate is his only hope for survival. Can two men, on opposite sides of the law, come together to bring a monster to justice?
My Brother, Coyote: Seth and True are cousins, born in the same house on the Navajo reservation. That's about all they have in common, though, what with Seth going the way of a bad seed, and True living up to his name and going to college while studying with the tribe to become a medicine man. They have one other thing in common, though. They love each other, to the point where secrets in both this world and the spirit world threaten to destroy them because of it. When they're trapped by a vicious pothunter they believe is raiding a sacred burial ground, they learn that some secrets can kill. Can these brother-cousins stay alive...and stay together?
Oh President Buchanan, we hardly knew ye.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Quiz Time
It was the tumultuous 60s, the country was at war, and the Democratic convention descended upon Chicago to select a Presidential candidate. Do you know was nominated? Or have I fooled you again?
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